I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize