I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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