If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
