turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
