I hate all girls vehemently.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
