In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
