That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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