Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
