ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize