She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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