and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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