i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
