This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
