READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
