i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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