I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize