eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize