Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
