Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
