I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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