soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize