First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
