I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
