I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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