Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
