I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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