I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
