THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
