yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
