i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
