I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
