Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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