The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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