i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
