Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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