At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
