you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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