Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
