so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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