Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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