did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
