Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
