don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
MIDGETS
????
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
