You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
