he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
