Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
