Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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