Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
