Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
