Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
