Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
