i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
