google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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