Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
