If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
