Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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