but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize