feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
