mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
