Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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