The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
