hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
