You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize