He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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