Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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