drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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